7 Tips To Help You Find Yourself After A Long-Term Relationship

“Your relationship should be the icing on top of a cake, not the whole damn thing!”

LOSING YOURSELF

Last year, I had come out of my first serious, long-term relationship. To say I was heartbroken was an understatement. I had everything planned out in my head (well I thought I did)…marriage, house, kids, you name it. Girls, I know you know!! Everyone deals with break ups differently. I thought I could shrug it off and move on. In fact, this was the big fat red button to start a very steep downward spiral in my mental health. 

Illustrated by @howdoyoupeel

If you know me, you can safely say I am usually the most positive and energetic person. However, I would feel these emotions on a typical day for months:

• Shock, denial & disbelief

• Confusion

• Anger

• Anxiety

• Guilt, shame, self-blame

• Withdrawing from others

• Hopelessness

• Feeling disconnected

I would wake up thinking it was all a dream but then it would hit me like a tonne of bricks and I’d break down crying….every. single. morning. I would find it difficult to concentrate at work - C.O.N.S.T.A.N.T.L.Y wondering what was wrong with me and that everything was my fault. To be honest, I gave him my everything. My absolute best. As time went on, I became good at hiding my emotions. I became numb and brushed it all under the carpet. It took a while before breaking down in front of my best friend (she’ll remember this clear as day!!)

If you unfortunately go through heartbreak, nothing anyone will say will make you feel better at the time - it truly sucks but TIME is the only healer in these situations. The problem was that I did give him my EVERYTHING. I lost myself. PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST will help you bounce back and help you realise the only person you will truly ever need is yourself. 

I read a paraphrase a while ago that made so much sense to me and I hope it might help you (I have typed the below in my own take):

Think of your life as a cake. The best ones come out of the oven mostly down to a damn good recipe. Now think to yourself, as of now…. what ingredients can I currently put in to the bowl? These ingredients could be your health, your family, friends, your education, your home, a career you love, your level of self-respect and knowing your SELF-WORTH. Mix that altogether and watch yourself come out tall and fricken golden honey! A relationship should only ever be the icing and sprinkles on top of your cake.

HOW DID I “BOUNCE BACK”?

• THERAPY - despite the stigma that is attached to this subject, venting to a third party is not only immensely relieving but these people are PROFESSIONALLY TRAINED to help you. Trust me when I say it is 1000% worth it!!

• EXERCISE - fitness has always held a special place in my heart. This is where I take out my frustration, anger or stress (boxing is amazing!) I used to exercise for aesthetic reasons, but the endorphins you get after working out makes you feel so much better within yourself and gets you back on a more positive outlook!

Illustrated by @howdoyoupeel

• FAMILY & FRIENDS - I put in effort and made plans with people closest to me. They brought out the best in me. They make me smile and laugh until my stomach hurts. Surrounding yourself with these people help you feel better, not worse. 

• TREATING YOURSELF - instead of worrying about someone else, I decided to treat myself. I went IN at Lulu Lemon and despite my bank account nearly having a heart attack, it is called retail therapy FOR A REASON :)

• SELF CARE - the best concept in the whole universe!! Think hot bubble baths, face masks, watching your favourite film with a glass of wine, eating your favourite dinner, getting a blow-dry (trust me), booking in a massage, doing a yoga class! The list goes on but doing things for you and only you is beyond rewarding and something you would not regret.

Illustrated by @howdoyoupeel

• HOBBIES - take up a new hobby or do that thing that you’ve been contemplating for months but not having the motivation to take the first step. If you’re reading this, then THIS IS IT. YOUR REMINDER. DO IT. Do not wait. There will never be a better moment than now! 

• DECLUTTER - okay this is the most SATISFYING idea!! Go up to your room and declutter everything - from the junk on the side, under the bed, by the door….all of it. OUT IT GOES. Look in your wardrobe….you know those clothes you don’t want to get rid of but then you never ever wear? CHUCK IT OUT. Decluttering is not only satisfying but it signals a reset. A fresh start.
  

Doing all of these in one day will not be a cure. Again, TIME is your healer. Be consistent with these practices and believe that things will get better, even if it is impossible to even contemplate that idea right now. Sending so much love and hugs your way. You’ve got this!! Xoxoxoxo

@hannahkingfitness

Illustrated by @howdoyoupeel

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