1 Year Anniversary Of Going To Therapy - My Story

Trigger warning

Illustrated by @howdoyoupeel

1 year ago I found my Therapist, Jan. I couldn't have done it with out the help I received from my Sister and my Mum.

I found Jan after going through a self referral system in my area the year before. It was free via the NHS, however the waiting list was long and by the time I had got to speak to a counsellor 3 months had gone by and I was getting worse.

I had quite my job because it was affecting my mental health to the point I was having panic attacks at least once a week, and it was affecting my ability to do anything at all. I was suicidal, although I kept this a secret, and only made it out to my parents that I needed a bit of help. At this point it was all too overwhelming to deal with by myself, it was difficult, scary and confusing. Why did I feel this way when I live a privileged life? It didn't make sense.

I left work and took a break. 2 months off.

At first I was relieved, I went on my friends bachelorette party in Barcelona and visited my parents. However once I was back in London with nowhere permanent to live, living between the sofa at my brother and sisters place and out of my converted Van on the side of the road, it became more difficult again.

My Sister helped me ask my mum for help. She was the only one who I had told exactly what I was going through. My Mum sat down with me before I moved to a new city for my new job, and set out to help me find a therapist. This is when I tried two therapists that I didn't feel comfortable with. I had been warned about this.

It is very common to have to go through multiple therapists before you fine "THE ONE"

With this in mind I gave myself a break (or at least tried to), and my mum helped me book 3 different therapists to try, and THREE TIMES A CHARM. Jan was the third.

I am privileged to be able to afford therapy. Mine is at the cheaper end £45 (still quite a lot) but it is well worth it. My family are amazing supports for me and I would recommend anyone go to therapy no matter what. There are many different ways to get support that aren't as expensive I will supply some links at the end of this post.

A year on, and 25 therapy sessions later, as well as the right dose of Citalopram (antidepressant) and I am now CELEBRATING my 1 Year therapy Anniversary.

I am still on antidepressants and it took a while for my doctor and I to figure out what worked best for me with the correct dosage. I will write a new post about my journey with Antidepressants.

I still have hard times, and will probably continue to, but with the help from my therapist and the tools she has given me, they are easier to manage and occur less often. It also helps that I have a great support system at home. I am not hiding my thoughts anymore. They are out on display.

You do not need to hide your anxieties or depression especially when you have a "Jan"

Illustrated by @howdoyoupeel

You also do not have to tell all your friends or family everything you are thinking.

I am very proud of myself for getting to this point.

I am thankful to my support system for the help they have given me.

I am not ashamed or anxious about going to therapy, or taking antidepressants anymore.

I AM PROUD

What to take from this babble:

• Therapy can be a great help for anyone as a third party listener

• Don't bottle up how you are feeling it will just bring you down

• Therapy will give you tools to understand and manage anxiety and depression

• Therapy takes work, its not just a magic one session kind of thing. It is hard, Tiring, & empowering all at the same time

• Don't give up if the first therapist isn't for you, there is someone who will be perfect

• Don't be afraid to ask your friend for help. This could be sitting with you on the phone while you look at therapists or just a shoulder to cry on.

• Therapy is costly but it is PERSONAL CARE and it is worth it because YOU ARE WORTH IT

If therapy/counselling is out of your budget I will be writing a post about some different ways to access some form of therapy for a low fee or free.

Resources if you or someone you know is suffering with mental illness and you are not sure on what to do:

• https://www.mind.org.uk

• Call Samaritans 24hours 365days a year: 116 123

• https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

• https://www.headstogether.org.uk

• https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/free-therapy-or-counselling/

Illustrated by @howdoyoupeel